I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
