Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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