I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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