Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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