Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
