hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
