So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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