What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
