i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
