she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just high enough for therapy.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
