Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
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