The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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