I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
