If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
