i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
