My cat gives me a boner
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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