The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
