Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
