I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
