She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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