I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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