what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
