so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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