Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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