Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
