Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
