I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i think my cat just said my name.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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