Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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