the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
