i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
