Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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