could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
