At least make sure they are 18
Why
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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