Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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