just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
