gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
