Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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