I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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