somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
