To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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