I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
what day is it and did you see me today?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
