and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
