so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
