It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
