I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
The ass gains better be worth it
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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