you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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