It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
