I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
