i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
