i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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