my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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